A few key terms

Football is one of those sports that opens itself up to local dialect more than almost any other (rugby league being another...northerners call it a sport, southerners call it fat men hugging), and in fact there is no greater joy than hearing a teammate come out with some on field advice/banter that you haven't heard before, the more creative the better.  However, there are a number of key terms which all football enthusiasts, players, spectators and armchair pundits should have in their armoury...over the course of this blog I shall try to educate/force these terms on you whenever the mood takes me.

Today's lesson is in the different terms used for the basis of the sport...striking the ball.  Are you sitting comfortably?  Then I'll begin;

• Bosh - lets start with a classic.  A bosh simply relates to the kind of thumping shot where the ball sounds and moves like its been kicked by a mule.  There is no finesse to a bosh, it is a man kicking the piss out of a ball. Think any pass by Steven Gerrard...especially the 2yrd passes.

• Caress - one of the more delicate strikes of a ball.  Think Fernando Torres calmly slotting the ball home from 6 yards with a gentle side foot.  There is no power behind this shot, just a gentle, loving stroke the likes of which wouldn't even leave a bruise on a peach.

•  Dink - otherwise known as a chip.  The Italians refer to this as cucchiaio, and Totti is the lord of the cucchiaio.  The dink is a beautiful piece of skill when properly executed, lobbing the ball majestically into the air over the opposition, you do look a bit of a numpty if you get it wrong though.  The most prevalent purveyor of the dink in England is without doubt Carlos Vela...for the one game a season he scores a cheeky dink over the keeper. Just have a look at this scored today against the Malaysia XI, and who could forget the effort against Sheffield United. 

• Hammer - the term almost solely invented fro Der Hammer himself Thomas Hitzlsperger.  Pick that out!

• Ping - The force of a bosh, but with the finesse of a dink...the ping is the ultimate finish.  Think Van Basten against the USSR, any goal by the Maradona of the Carpathians Gheorghe Hagi (genuinely one of my favourite videos on YouTube).  Think of any goal thats got you out of your seat, and goal that you've got up at 7am on a Sunday, just to watch it again on MOTD...team goals have their place, but for me the best goals will always be a ping.

• Spray - David Beckhams got it in his locker, Andrea Pirlo perfected the art, Charlie Adam can do it and Paul Scholes definately had a cheeky spray in his locker.  A spray can only be used to describe a pass, and not just any old pass, we're talking cross field pass, first time volley, on a sixpence stuff.

• Shank - a classic, always closely followed by an ironic cheer or donkey noises...the perpetrator will inevitable wish the ground would open up and swallow them...one of my mates is guilty of the worst shank I've ever seen, free kick, 25yrds from goal, fairly central, just inside the post...he put it out for a throw...you know who you are.