A little more football vocab for beginners

Football has become vastly more accessible on TV in recent years, the Sky Sports revolution has indeed revolutionised the way we watch football in the UK and the emergence of ESPN has only added to this.  Some weekends it would almost be possible to watch back to back live games for a whole weekend if you were to have a subscription to ESPN and Sky Sports along with a terrestrial offering from the BBC or ITV.

This has led to an increase in the amount of pundits and with that comes exposure to endless footballing cliche...some of these are used so readily that we are in danger of forgetting the true meaning of the words, particularly when we are describing the key attributes of various players.  We are fast becoming a nation of drones screaming a mixture of obscenities and cliches at the pitch from the stand or the TV screen from the pub/couch...

So here for your convenience are definitions of a few key terms to mix in with your swearing and make you a more refined 'connoisseur' for 90mins a week;

1. Utility Player - the universal term used by managers, pundits and fans alike to describe a player who can play in any position...mainly because he's not very good at any of them.  It is the grown up version of being given the 'Most Improved Player' award.  If you have ever been described as a utility player there is hope...Phil Neville was a utility player and he's got 6 Premier League winners medals, 3 FA Cups and a Champions League winners medal.
2. Terrier Like Midfielder - usually this will refer to a midfielder of small stature who enjoys nothing more that running around the pitch kicking people.  The kind of player who may not have the best range of passing, but it is not clear if this is a genuine lack of ability, or just because if they give the ball away they get to go and smash whoever intercepted it. (see Nicky Bailey).
3. Old Fashioned Number Nine - a little bit of a cross between a 'Utility Player' and a 'Terrier Like Midfielder', except this time they score goals.  Basically, this describes a striker who's major attributes are that they are big and erm...big. What these players lack in talent (and they do lack talent) they make up for sheer size and will to win.  Despite this, they are universally loved by fans because it is widely accepted that they would 'die for the shirt'. (see 'Big' John Parkin)
4. Enigmatic -*insert position*- - description used for a player who is crazy as a box of frogs.  Some days they will be brilliant, the next day they will be awful.  We have seen a rise in these in recent times, Adel Taraabt and Super Mario are just two plying their trade in the Premier League this season.  These guy's are almost as entertaining off the pitch as they are on it.
5. Likes a Tackle - doesn't necessarily like a tackle, a more accurate description would probably be 'likes to kick people, getting the ball is a bonus...plus it means I won't get booked'. (see Lee Cattermole)
6. Forwards Challenge - very similar to a player who 'likes a tackle', however, being a player carged with attacking intent, any bad challenge will be excused due to the fact its not their job...it doesn't matter that these are professional footballers, and in all honesty they should be able to tackle.  Paul Scholes has been the major exponent of these since the inception of the Premier League.
7. Committed - loosely translated as 'God loves a trier'...we all love watching a player who leaves nothing on the park at the end of a game, sometimes these guys will be sacrificed for their own safety, always give 100%.